Rest

Late twas the time
No chance to unwind
Off to bed in the comforts of your head
You shall go with the snow all a glow
No tossing or turning
Just hearts a burning
With sleepless desires
Your body craves the fires
You drift off to dreams
Where there are no screams
So pull up the covers and settle yourself in
For a long winters night is to come again

Christopher Chapman © 2008

"One goes through life trying so hard to be who he wants to be, that he becomes the thing he hates the most, himself."

Christopher Chapman 2008 ©

All that Jazz

There are times when I wish I could find that one shady bar that stays open late with a sultry jazz band playing in the corner. Where I can order a drink and let it take me away to another place and time. My ears hear every pitch and rumble. The sound of the muted trumpet takes you back to when music was real and you could feel it. There was heart and soul accompanied with each note played. You could hold your lover close to you and stare into each other’s eyes. The piano keys gently stroked while the brushes on the snare drum kept your heart in perfect rhythm with hers. The smoothness of the trumpet in your ears mixed with sultry sounds of the saxophone. You instantly caress her body as you both float across the floor in a perfect rhythmic movement. You both are absorbed in the music and closeness that you are sharing that you do not even realize that others are watching with envy. The trumpet screams over the other instruments and you increase your movements about her with such fierce passion that she has melted completely in your arms. She wraps her arms tightly around your neck and kisses your lips ever so softly. The room filled with smoke and the two person tables with couples wrapped in each other’s arms. There is no movement in the room because it seems that the entire room has frozen. Time has stood still for you and her, to gaze upon each other with the love of a thousand life times. Where has all those great little places gone? Why has the music stop playing?

Happily Ever After

Happily ever after does exist. When you are in love one of the greatest moments is that second before you kiss her, or the breeze that you feel as she reaches for you wrapping her arms around your neck and squeezing tightly. The way she smells at all times, especially when she is dressing for a night out. The way she looks at you from across the room and in her eyes you can see how content she is being with you. The way she looks in your shirt the next morning. The smile on her face when the light of the morning sun illuminates her entire body and the way her hair is a mess and you cannot take your lips off hers. Rising to cook her breakfast before lying in bed all day with a fire and the all white sheets and comforter wrapped around you both as the snow piles high you feel as if you are a part of the serene scenery before your eyes. The view of the mountains just outside your window has you both mesmerized and you lay in peace, together, forever. True love does exist we just have to patient.

Thanksgiving 2008

I had a wife, a home and some friends. Then, I got sick. First my head went, then my soul. After those were used up, I crashed and burned. Now, in the rebuilding stages of my life I still feel the same as I did then, sometimes worse. I have lost someone I love and I am still finding it hard to let go. I do not want anyone’s sympathy, I just want me back. Therefore, when I feel like shit and want to crawl in a dark place during the holiday season, let me. It is the only way I know how to heal. In addition to that, I cannot be in a group of people all day when all I want to do is cry nonstop. So let me stare off into the empty nothingness that is my soul, this is what I will be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day.

"Let not dreams disappoint you when they do not come true, chalk it up to God's good graces."

Christopher Chapman 2008 ©

"The distance felt from one to another does not take long to set in. Travels that one will take will be far and exciting and sometimes, unanswered prayers are for the best."

- Christopher Chapman ©

The truth lies within the words of a sentence, a phrase, a poem. With each word, the reader looks into the soul of the writer. The reader is granted permission to enter into the gates of the writers mind, the wonders that are told developed from the ability to reach deep down inside and pull out feelings and allow the world to see them, “going forth into the night as a soldier into a fight, bold and branded, the soldier rages on.” The writer in many ways feels the same as he sits in front of his laptop or journal, writing, pouring out his feelings, ideas, opinions, heartaches and fighting the demons. Wars that he cannot stop, pain that he cannot heal with his words. However, his mind flows onto the paper or screen in the form of a language that only he knows, hoping that he can bring some joy and happiness to himself and to his readers. Like the love that he still has for an angel, so far away from his reach that a touch from her would send his heart into convulsions spewing with compassion and yearning to hold her just one more time! To touch her skin of porcelain, her eyes dark peering into his soul, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tight. Their hearts beating in a harmonic rhythm like that of smooth jazz in a nightclub down on the bayou. Steady and passionate praying the sun will take its time rising so that he does not have to let her go. Therefore, he tells himself every day, that he must rage on, to remember the good times, even though those memories hurt the most.

The truth lies within the words of a sentence, a phrase, a poem. The reader just has to listen.

“Loneliness abides by no rules; it just fills your soul with regret.”

Christopher Chapman 2008 ©

damn fishes

They all say the same thing. Pisces you are a pain in the ass but your heart is huge. Your passion extends to too many worlds that only a few are allowed to see. Dreaming and dreaming never living in the same realm with the rest of the world. No one understands you; no one can truly love you the way you need to be loved. You need the same attention that a mother would give. Without drama you would go crazy, without secrecy you would be nothing because this is all you have. Your mind will always be with you. People will not. It will drive you nuts that someone will not work with you in resolving a problem. You will blame yourself when most of the time there is not even a problem. Afraid that everyone hates you, you try to wear a hard coat of armor that is easily penetrated by attention. Your heart sits out there for anyone to play with. Yet you will only hide it for a little while allowing it to reside right back in the same place, on the ground. Disappearing is your solution to everything, but you can't disappear into one of your dreams. Moreover, which dream would you choose? You have no idea and never will. So, you will go through life bouncing from one reef to another always searching for the better one, but you will never find it. So, what will happen to you? It will take someone who is very strong, motherly, creative, a leader, and have the patience to love you dearly and not let your moods affect them. No confrontation or the like, just love and compassion, better than a best friend. Sad isn't it. Good luck there fish man. You’re going to need it.

Christopher Chapman 2008 ©

not sleeping

It is 6 am; do you know where your brain is? Mine is running through complications and solutions, ordeals that are polluted with this strange feeling called numb. Thoughts and ideas run in and out of it and I cannot sleep. I arise from my bed and swallow my medication hoping it will slow it down so that I may go back to sleep. I could read poems from Rupert Brook. Even though they ring precious undertones of misery in my mind when I read them, it may still keep me awake. Only the light of my laptop now shines. I read that a light turned on will tell your brain that it is time to wake up and process the day’s journeys. From scratching my ass to figuring out how I will pay the bills this week. Therefore, I turn off the kitchen light. I also do not use my glasses hoping to make my eyes tired. All of this shit seems to be working, slowly, nevertheless working.

Christopher Chapman 2008 ©

that one person

How do go about determining who the most important person in our lives is. Do we choose a certain parent or another family member? Why not someone outside the family or a family member who is not blood kin. Is it possible that someone else can be the most important person in your life other than the two people who created you? However, my belief is that two people do not actually create you. God does. We were there before we even came into the world as an infant. So where does that leave us? The most important person in your life should be god. The second could be anyone. What about yourself? You must first love yourself before you can really truly love someone else. Since my separation, I am truly learning to love myself. This allows me to start loving someone else. Anyone for that matter, I will have my down times, but I will not hate myself or fall back into an extreme low self-esteem pattern again. It is not healthy and I chose not to do it. So, back to the question at hand? Who should be the most important person in your life? Everyone wants to be, but that is just not going to happen. Therefore, to all who think they should be the most important person in someone’s life. Stop and evaluate the situation. You may never be the most important person in someone's life, but that does not mean that person does not love you dearly. We all have our heroes. Whether most people like them or not. It is life and the heart of every individual is different, so do the best you can to love that someone and I guarantee he/she will love you back just the same. It just may take some work.

Starting Over

I have decided to create a new blog for my new life. If there are some poems or writings that you would like to see on here from my old one, please tell me. I hope you enjoy.